I pulled the barrel out of my mouth and fired it into the sky, and started a revolution….. I saw this the other day and promptly tweeted it. Something inside me resonated with that. It made me think about the path I’ve created in life, the road I’ve been walking on, and I came to rest on a time in my life when my outlook was its darkest. It was a time where I had nothing, wanted nothing, and had no hopes for my future. I thought about ending it all then; what was the point? I was being tugged on both sides by my parents who both wanted custody of my brother and I, I was forced to move schools mid-year, neither parent had a lot of money, I was left to fend for myself and take care of my brother. I was living either in one of the shadiest parts of Toledo, or across town in a one-bedroom excuse for a home that housed four people. Things were bleak, I wanted no part of it. I began to stop caring. Didn’t care what teachers had to say, didn’t really respond to the detentions, got into fights, cursed the world for placing me in such an undesirable situation with no prospect of getting out. I wrote a note. A note that made it clear that I didn’t want to be a part of this world. Yet, the more and more I thought about it. The more and more I knew I couldn’t do it. Not because I was scared of taking my own life- I had already figured out that one less life is insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I couldn’t because I realized that it wouldn’t solve anything: non-existence wouldn’t be any better than the life I was leading at the time. So I changed myself. I refocused on doing well in school, that way I would have a fighting chance. I focused on the positive aspects of life. It was then that I realized that I had. I started a revolution within myself…. And here I am, not 12 or so years after I felt that way, a college graduate. Ready for grad school. Bilingual. I can sing, dance and play the guitar. Still striving to better myself and now capable of bettering the lives of those around me. With a new chapter in my life set to unfold in front of me, it’s nice to look back at the roads I’ve traveled up to this point. …seeing those words make me want to see what I can spin around them. The road ahead is unknown, but I’m prepared to meet it head on.

I pulled the barrel out of my mouth and fired it into the sky, and started a revolution…..

I saw this the other day and promptly tweeted it. Something inside me resonated with that. It made me think about the path I’ve created in life, the road I’ve been walking on, and I came to rest on a time in my life when my outlook was its darkest.

It was a time where I had nothing, wanted nothing, and had no hopes for my future. I thought about ending it all then; what was the point? I was being tugged on both sides by my parents who both wanted custody of my brother and I, I was forced to move schools mid-year, neither parent had a lot of money, I was left to fend for myself and take care of my brother. I was living either in one of the shadiest parts of Toledo, or across town in a one-bedroom excuse for a home that housed four people. Things were bleak, I wanted no part of it. I began to stop caring. Didn’t care what teachers had to say, didn’t really respond to the detentions, got into fights, cursed the world for placing me in such an undesirable situation with no prospect of getting out.

I wrote a note. A note that made it clear that I didn’t want to be a part of this world.

Yet, the more and more I thought about it. The more and more I knew I couldn’t do it. Not because I was scared of taking my own life- I had already figured out that one less life is insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I couldn’t because I realized that it wouldn’t solve anything: non-existence wouldn’t be any better than the life I was leading at the time. So I changed myself. I refocused on doing well in school, that way I would have a fighting chance. I focused on the positive aspects of life.

It was then that I realized that I had. I started a revolution within myself….

And here I am, not 12 or so years after I felt that way, a college graduate. Ready for grad school. Bilingual. I can sing, dance and play the guitar. Still striving to better myself and now capable of bettering the lives of those around me. With a new chapter in my life set to unfold in front of me, it’s nice to look back at the roads I’ve traveled up to this point.

…seeing those words make me want to see what I can spin around them. The road ahead is unknown, but I’m prepared to meet it head on.

I am SO playing it when I get home ^_^

bot:

collage

The feel of this paper is familiar, yet so foreign Many moons since I last wrote The moods and feelings remain unchanged These words are still my last hope The ink flowing from this pen like a river, carrying with it my hopes and fears Taking me away to a place I can leave my pain, a place I can disappear It is a dark wood, deep in the recesses of my mind A place no one dare to go, haunted by the demons of my past No on there to listen or care, to hear, or give me time No one there to keep me from screaming, no one but the shadows cast If only someone would come along and show me the clearing Endearing themselves to my plight and telling me everything will be alright Darkness surrounding me, I need to find light quick Before too long, I’ll be gone and replaced with something sick Something old, something bitter, something trampled, something broken Closed for good, never to open I blink, back to the realm of the living The forest was everything around me in this city Surrounded by strangers, feeling alone, the pain returns The screams silent to all but me, Still no sign of a savior I look down at my hands There, I find it all, all my pain, written on that familiar piece of paper.

The feel of this paper is familiar, yet so foreign

Many moons since I last wrote

The moods and feelings remain unchanged

These words are still my last hope

The ink flowing from this pen like a river, carrying with it my hopes and fears

Taking me away to a place I can leave my pain, a place I can disappear

It is a dark wood, deep in the recesses of my mind

A place no one dare to go, haunted by the demons of my past

No on there to listen or care, to hear, or give me time

No one there to keep me from screaming, no one but the shadows cast

If only someone would come along and show me the clearing

Endearing themselves to my plight and telling me everything will be alright

Darkness surrounding me, I need to find light quick

Before too long, I’ll be gone and replaced with something sick

Something old, something bitter, something trampled, something broken

Closed for good, never to open

I blink, back to the realm of the living

The forest was everything around me in this city

Surrounded by strangers, feeling alone, the pain returns

The screams silent to all but me,

Still no sign of a savior

I look down at my hands

There, I find it all, all my pain, written on that familiar piece of paper.

Keep On

Suddenly it’s dark out

Suddenly it’s cold

Your fire burnt out

And I’m left with the embers of your once-burning soul

Where did it all go wrong?

Things were so well, it seems

Did your passion pass away along with all of your dreams?

Yeah, sure, things go wrong as they always will

But that is no excuse for you to do nothing and stand still

To stand there and just chill, as if your life has no meaning

Are you sure you don’t need help with what your seeing?

Because at your worst, you still got your life

There’s no need to cut it short with this knife,

Those pills,

That booze,

Or that gun…

Have you ever seen the beauty of being out in the sun?

Being one with nature

And for a moment letting go of your woes

When was the last time you dug into the sand with your toes?

Life’s hard enough to deal with the worries

Relight your fire and live life with a fury

So stand up, brush yourself off and grit your teeth

Because this life is unforgiving

And life your life, so that when you do die,

They can say you died while living!

Assault on the Senses

Stuck in this rut, irresolute

Can’t believe my mind’s this polluted

It isn’t hart to believe

With all the mindless shit we get to watch on TV

With quality programming like True Life and Jersey Shore

Sayin’ it’s all good for men to be assholes and women to be whores

And scores of kids find this shit appealing

Like “I didn’t know ‘so-and-so’ from Laguna Beach had feelings for some other girl on the show!”

Is it really hard to see that I couldn’t care less to know?

But what irks me the most to see is how fake it really is- this isn’t reality TV.

Shows with no purpose, shows with no goal

Other than to portray people who complain their lives are worse than they really are

It’s junk by far, and it makes me think

Of the Cosby Show and Step By Step

Where there was an issue, a message, something to get

I miss shows like that, it’s gonna drive me insane

If I have to keep watchin’ this shit, turn on, tune in, shut down my brain

This assault is not only on my eyes but my ears

Music doesn’t have quality anymore, so it appears

My fear’s that it’s more about the beat than it is about the flow

Just as long as you can ‘jerk’ to it, move your body, you’re good to go

But not me, you see

I remember days of Dr. Dre

Where the beat was just a background and you’d listen to what they’d say

Today it’s all about the partying, the women, and the money

It’s kinda funny that not too long ago all these cats were broke

Now they “rap” and rake in millions like it’s a joke

But the punch line is that back then they were listening to real flow and style

Never would I think real rap would be a fad

Never would I think that rhyming could be so bad, or, I mean, worse

There aren’t many lyrical geniuses anymore

It sucks and it hurts

When all you hear are sellouts and

All you see are lies

It’s all pure shit masquerading in disguise

Suprise! There’s no value in media today.

Just garbage for the masses what more do I have to say?

I’ll just stick to writing words you know are real

And give you a message that you can understand, one you can feel

2:57 A.M.

I lay in bed- my mind’s racing

Thinking of all of the things that shaped me

Thinking of love, lost love, and friends

Often think of sad times, good times, time and time again

I think of this girl that was my world

My spirit and my mind

And how she’s gone, so far, so long

It kills me every time

To think of that kiss I’ll never recieve

Or

That heart that’ll never bleed

For

You now that you bruised it

And I still can’t get used to it

Or find an a new fit

Or alternative

To that love you give,

Or rather gave

Until you stole it all away

And left me to wonder why

Why it all went wrong

Why I listen to depressing songs

Why I think about it all day long

Why?

Because I loved you

Because I loved you with all my heart and soul

Because with you I wanted to grow old

With you there was no me, only us

A relationship built off of friendship and trust

A shadow of its former self

It’s been five months, and nothing’s helped

I’m still thinking

Still sinking

Still hoping

Still praying

All night and all day

That I’ll wake up and this’ll all be a dream

And there will be an “us” not “you and me”

And then I realize it’s not a dream

I’m not even asleep.

“Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

Happy Birthday to the coolest friend, not to mention one of the biggest Taylor Swift fanatics I know! I am so grateful every day for our friendship: we’ve been through quite the adventure in the short time we’ve known each other, but I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. You have taught me so much that I cannot even begin to thank you for, and I hope that today is truly a day that you can enjoy, and be shown how much you mean to so many people! :)


 

Maybe I should start posting all of my poetry….what would my followers think?

Source: djanczewski

simplyjodigirl:

Have no expectations, & you will never be disappointed.

I seriously need to get myself a Mac so that I can get back to recording music!

Source: djanczewski
For you I’d just be there. Someone to talk to, share things with…confide in. Someone to ask you how was your day and you’d be comfortable enough to share, without fear of ridicule and disinterest. Someone to cuddle with and share intimate moments with. We can play together, laugh together, and cry together. Know when you want to be alone and when you want someone to hold you close. Understand your limits and know where to draw the line. Know your friends, male and female, and accept them all as my friends. I would trust you and be trustworthy enough for you. You will have no fears with me, live dangerously, and make everyday an adventure. Live life and love it. Be alone and never be lonely. Passion, kindness, honesty, happiness, sincerity, and respect will be everyday words. Hatred, sadness, contempt, and hypocrisy will never come about. A million girls in a room and I will only have eyes for you. Wear your emotions on your sleeves for I will care for them as my own. Give me a smile and I will give you my whole. Be there for me and I’ll be there for you.

For you I’d just be there. Someone to talk to, share things with…confide in. Someone to ask you how was your day and you’d be comfortable enough to share, without fear of ridicule and disinterest. Someone to cuddle with and share intimate moments with.

We can play together, laugh together, and cry together. Know when you want to be alone and when you want someone to hold you close. Understand your limits and know where to draw the line. Know your friends, male and female, and accept them all as my friends.

I would trust you and be trustworthy enough for you. You will have no fears with me, live dangerously, and make everyday an adventure. Live life and love it. Be alone and never be lonely.

Passion, kindness, honesty, happiness, sincerity, and respect will be everyday words. Hatred, sadness, contempt, and hypocrisy will never come about.

A million girls in a room and I will only have eyes for you. Wear your emotions on your sleeves for I will care for them as my own. Give me a smile and I will give you my whole. Be there for me and I’ll be there for you.

  • Times Like These

Times Like These
by Janczewski, David J

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Cover of Foo Fighters - Times Like These

Quite possibly one of the most fitting songs in my life right now. Hope you enjoy!

Sorry for the long time since I last recorded, too….

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Source:

 

Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

The wonderful Miss Jodi Moore and myself singing “Valentine” by Kina Grannis

Check it out!! :D